In a meta-analysis of 86 psychology, sociology, computer, and behavioral studies, they found answers to the questions that leave online daters paralyzed at their keyboards or searching for the perfect selfie.

With a list of eerily specific guidelines—covering everything from the perfect screen name to the wording of that first message—science has the looking for love covered.

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So we’re not only giving you incredible profile examples you can use, we’re also telling you which dating site or app they work best on.

You can get away with more exaggerated humor and funny/cocky attitude on Tinder than you can on other apps and dating sites.

The six-page study goes on to offer a practical how-to for online daters including nuggets like: don’t just wink or send a generic message; keep the first missive short and sweet; be enthusiastic; and don’t keep an online paramour waiting. But consider, singles, while strict guidelines are sure to be a comfort for some in the online dating pool, love is not an exact science—and even stone-cold science needs its skeptics.

Write the wrong thing, and you’re doomed to fail, with your empty inbox serving as a constant reminder that your profile’s problematic.

And tipping the scale ever-so-slightly on the creepy side, similarity breeds affection, so a user named “Hot4YOU” would be more likely to respond to someone with the related handle “Burning4YOU”.

“There is an opportunity to exploit the name-similarity effect by browsing extensively before registration, identifying profiled names of people who you find attractive, and then choosing a similar screen name,” the authors write.

So the obvious “be good looking” aside, there are a few hacks that give you a better chance of being swiped right. You should provide photographic evidence that you have friends.

You should have a “genuine smile” in your picture, one that crinkles up your eyes. It’s good if you can get a shot of you in the center of a group of people (because, Power), better if you’re a man to have a few women smiling adoringly at you (because, Desire), and best if you’re shown touching another person, but not being touched, because apparently the toucher is perceived to be of a higher status.

So this is your chance to get creative and have a little fun. But when the market closes, the suit comes off and it’s time for some fun – whether we’re hitting Aspen’s slopes for a weekend trip, catching a live rock concert, or headed to Paris for some fresh-baked croissants and the best espresso on the planet.