Perhaps you’ve gone further and the relationship has turned physical.

It may be difficult for you to know exactly how you got into this situation.

Though logic doesn’t reign for you at this moment, please attempt to silence your emotions temporarily to see past the feelings into your future.

Married couples sex chats-75

Underlying vulnerabilities very likely made the new relationship possible.

Highly revered marriage researcher John Gottman writes in his book …many clinicians…have been quick to point out that ‘affairs involve sex, but sex is usually not the purpose of the affair’…In fact, most clinicians who have written in this area report that affairs are usually about seeking friendship, support, understanding, and validation…they are about getting the acceptance that is missing in the marriage.” My work with thousands of couples in crisis indicates that this is exactly the case.

Relationship affairs – as opposed to the one-night-stand type of affairs that are wholly about sex and not at all about relationship – usually find root in a person’s feeling unloved, unaccepted, disliked, or disrespected.

That doesn’t mean that the person necessarily went looking for affirmation and validation from someone else. Maybe you describe this new relationship similar to the way others I’ve worked with: Most likely your desire is not to hurt the person you’re married to, but rather to live in this new level of love that you never knew existed. Short-term consequences and long-term consequences. If you choose short-term, you may decide to end your marriage for your lover.

Repeatedly those who left their spouses for a remarkable love come to me after a few years and say they wish they could do it all over again.

This time they wouldn’t abandon their marriage but would figure a way to work out their problems.

You don’t mean to harm family, friends, coworkers, church buddies, or anyone else. (There may be an exception to that if you feel that your spouse has been unkind or hurtful. The intensity of your present emotions may make that the choice that seems most likely to make you happy.

If so, that degree of negativity toward your spouse probably increased its intensity after your affair began.) You have four potential paths before you: 1. However, there are long-term consequences that will come with that choice.

You will discover that Cinderella and Prince Charming exist only in fairy tales.